His Person
by pokemon fan 98
Summary: "I want this - I want us - to happen, Cait," he whispered unevenly. A shiver went through her at the nickname. She had told him never to call her that. It was funny that now, it was all she wanted to hear him say. She wanted to be his person. Snowbarry.


**A/N: This takes place between seasons one and two. Barry has visited Caitlin once since the day of the Singularity, and just came to see her again about two months later.**

"How are you?"

Caitlin looked up when Barry sped into the lab.

"I know I haven't talked to you as much as I should have," Barry said before she could answer. "I've been doing a lot of thinking. I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Seeing you again?" She smiled. "I'm better than okay." She bit her lip nervously, deciding to just say it. "Actually, there's something I need to tell you. I -."

"I care about you too," he said.

She stared at him for a moment in suspended disbelief before beginning to feel hopeful. "Really?"

"Of course," he said confidently, reaching for her hand. "A lot. I just didn't want to say anything because…" he sighed. "I have it in my head that -."

She knew what he was going to say. He was trying to spare her feelings and say it differently, but she was observant; there was no other way to put it. "You love Iris."

He shook his head, looking guilty. But he didn't deny it. "I know she doesn't love me that way. I'm learning to get over it. It's just so confusing because there's a part of me that still wants to…"

"I know," she said, swallowing back her tears. He didn't need to see her cry. "She's your Ronnie."

Ronnie. The first person she'd ever opened up to, and who'd opened up to her in return. The first person she'd loved with her entire being. She'd only known him for a few years and she'd felt that strongly. Barry had known Iris since childhood, growing to care about her the same way Caitlin and Ronnie had about each other; though Barry's seemed unrequited, that didn't mean it wasn't as strong. Iris was his first person.

She could see the realization dawn in his eyes as he looked at her so openly, exposing all of his tenderness and affection and – what his eyes showed much more often than any eyes should – his grief. "Maybe," he said. "But I want this – I want _us,_ to happen," he whispered unevenly.

She mustered the courage to reach her hand up and brush his hair back, though she knew she shouldn't tease herself like that. "Me too," she admitted.

His hands slid over her back, pulling her closer to him. "I don't know what I would do without you, Cait."

A shiver went through her at the nickname. She had told him never to call her that. It was funny that now it was all she wanted to hear him say. She pressed her head against his chest, shutting her eyes tightly. "I'm not going anywhere, Barry." She felt his arms tighten around her, his head moving to touch hers.

"I'm working on it," he said. "I just can't start something with you if I'm not over her yet. It's not fair to you."

"I understand," she said, cursing the sob in her throat choking her words. She did understand, but that didn't change the fact that she wanted this so badly. She hadn't thought she would feel this way about anyone besides Ronnie when she'd lost him. Which was why she knew she had to give Barry time now, to sort things out for himself.

Barry held her tightly for a few more seconds, and then lightened the pressure to take a step back. He let his hands stay on her arms as he looked at her, as if to make sure she was alright. She forced herself to meet his eyes. The absolute devotion in them threatened to completely break her, but it was also a lifeline. A promise that he would come back to her. She only hoped he saw that she would do the same thing. Just to make sure, she gave him a tiny nod.

He stepped up to her again, so there were only inches between them. "I'll try not to take long," he said softly, and touched his lips to her forehead. She closed her eyes again at the contact, trying to restrain the tears just a bit longer. They came anyway. She felt him back away, leaving a trace of electricity where he had been touching her, and when she opened her eyes he was gone.

"Bye Barry," she said to the doorway, her voice thick.

In the hallway, Barry leaned against the wall, his head back and his eyes closed. He wanted to go back in and comfort her, but that would only make things worse. It was his fault she was upset. "I won't make you cry again, Cait," he whispered, looking at the doorway with pain. "I promise."

* * *

When Iris did start realizing her feelings for Barry, not long after their talk, Caitlin knew Barry would go to her. He would feel guilty, when he told Caitlin, but she wouldn't blame him. If Ronnie were still alive, she would go to him in an instant. That was the power he'd had, as her first person. But he wasn't alive anymore. She couldn't hold it against Barry that his first person was.

Even if a part of her had thought maybe she and Barry could be each other's second person.


End file.
